i am going to live.....

 Written to a prompt by Abbey of the Arts with Hirsch' poem as inspiration.

I Am Going to Start Living Like a Mystic

Today I am pulling on a green wool sweater
and walking across the park in a dusky snowfall.

The trees stand like twenty-seven prophets in a field,
each a station in a pilgrimage—silent, pondering.

Blue flakes of light falling across their bodies
are the ciphers of a secret, an occultation.

I will examine their leaves as pages in a text
and consider the bookish pigeons, students of winter.

I will kneel on the track of a vanquished squirrel
and stare into a blank pond for the figure of Sophia.

I shall begin scouring the sky for signs
as if my whole future were constellated upon it.

I will walk home alone with the deep alone,
a disciple of shadows, in praise of the mysteries.

---by Edward Hirsch

I, most certainly, was not as sensory driven as Hirsch,  but this is what came forth for me:

i am going to live like a monk.

but what does that mean?

can i live like a monk and 

continue my social-pleasing life?

do i give up my classes online?

do i give up my peer groups of sharing?

do i surround myself with a 

constant cloak of quietness?

i am going to live like a mystic.

but what does that mean?

can i live like a mystic, meditate 

as i wash dishes

water plants

read responses to posts?

do i recluse myself?

do i pray by setting a timer?

how to quiet my distracted heart?

i am going to live like an artist.

oh, i know what that means.

i weave. i write. 

I can be an artist weaving

my threads into a God-inspired palette. 

this excites me, no questions arise.

I can be an artist writing

my words into a God-inspired poem.

what is left but life’s surprises!

what is left but empty warps!

what is left but blank pages! 

we wait, 

my artist and i for …….

His acclimations

His affirmations

His comforts

His directions

aware! i already have

His love.    amen!                                                                         joanconnor01/24/2026

Too Many Possibilities!!

 

 

Too Many Possibilities!!

The black italicized remarks are copied from googling/AI and my comments are in color:

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Having too many creative outlets, or "multi-creativity," is a blessing that can lead to "creative overload" or the "paradox of abundance," where overwhelming possibilities create stagnation. This is my situation, creative overload and then I do what I am doing right now. I write about the dilemma instead of tackling the project at hand. I google weaving looms instead of weaving, I google writing classes instead of writing. I go down “rabbit holes,” one by one.

Philosophy on this topic emphasizes using structured constraints, such as time-blocking or focusing on one project at a time, to transition from overwhelming ideas to meaningful output. Amen! Focus on one project at a time. Create output! Currently, I should be weaving and using my new looms, new yarns, new buttons, new “bells and whistles.” Rotate through my interests determined by needs and opportunities.

The "Regret Minimization" Framework: To choose between projects, imagine your future self at retirement and consider which, if left undone, would cause the most regret. Very interesting as I am and have been in retirement for years. I would most regret if I didn’t pursue weaving and harp playing. That is how I feel today (January 21, 2026). I have been given an opportunity to focus since so many “unfinished projects” no longer exist. I am feeling free and in the process of narrowing my options. I must not take on new hobbies but methodically work on each loom I now have and expand my social outings to include weaving and working with other fiber artists. 

Practical Philosophical Approaches:

• Structure and Flow: Use "calibrated creative constraint" to limit choices and focus energy. Calibrated Creative Constraint! What a marvelous phrase. I shall write it, read it, believe it, do it!!!

• Seasonal Focus: Embrace that artistic focus moves in seasons; intense interest in one area should be followed, even if it means neglecting others temporarily. I shall “neglect others” but alas, that is difficult to accomplish. For example, my desire to experience contemplative photography includes the acquisition of a new beautiful mirrorless camera. I cannot not pursue that interest.

• Intentional Output: Move from just having ideas to having a "system" to manage them, recognizing that you can only do one thing at a time. A system in order to focus - like giving a time schedule for each “idea?” 

• The "Unifying Umbrella": Treat multiple, seemingly unrelated outlets as part of a single, multifaceted personal brand or creative identity. I really like this option. I can experience my weaving, I write about it and implement my contemplative photography interest by taking photos that will inspire my weaving. 

• Write, Weave, Wander with a camera. Collect my ideas and structure them into a weaving with words! 

Key Takeaway: The goal is to move from being a "dilettante" (dabbling in many things) to a "multi-passionate expert" (mastering several things over a lifetime) by using structure to manage the overwhelming, yet beautiful, flow of ideas.  “Multi-passionate expert” - don’t you just love that label. The expert part is a bit overwhelming so perhaps I can be a “multi-passionate hobbyist.” 

Let’s meditate on the proper noun.

Saori Smiles

 

I am still wired from weaving yesterday with these fine folks!!!

I drove 2+ hours to the Wimberly Saori Studio yesterday to study with Kathleen Utts. https://www.wimberleyvalleysaori.com/about/

I had been there one time previously.......before the flood........before all was lost.......before I thought I would be starting over with a different Saori loom.

However, the magic reappeared. My loom with all its parts survived the disaster and is now a working loom in my "loom room!"

I did not take my loom to Kathy's workshop. It is a chunky loom, not foldable like those pictured, the models we wove on for six hours. It seemed like six minutes. Kathy's stash of yarns are better than any candy store could duplicate. Drawers open to beautiful yarns, towers spin revealing cones of imported yarns, within my arm's reach while weaving were sparkles and the most creative yarns one could imagine. 

In the photo above, I am the second one from the left. My weaving is the result of no plan, no pattern, no justification except that it is about the creative journey. Kathy said, "Let the weaving tell you its use, what it is to become, what life it breathes." 

I shall embellish it today with beads and perhaps a button to accent the pink. (Handmade buttons are my new interest. I shall blog about my Etsy button order as soon as I unwrap them.)

Our teacher Kathy Utts, is well known in the Saori world. She travels frequently to Japan, continuing her learning with the Saori family. Her soft voice, perfect stories injected with humor and delight, guidance with any problems, her wealth of Saori knowledge and so very willing to share.

It's all part of the package I unwrapped yesterday.

I arrived home at 6:30 p.m., a bit tired but feeling blessed to have a Saori studio within one day's drive to and fro and then to study under the tutelage of Kathy. 

Beginners relish the ease of Saori weaving yet once one gets the knack of Saori weaving the potential is limitless. Next, after I weave for a few months, Kathy is offering a November workshop teaching how to transform one's weavings into vests and jackets. 

I am hooked, heddled, loomed and ready to keep this commitment warped!

Guilt is a Downer

1) Each on of these guilt-driven phrases is so "right-on!"

2) I cancelled purchasing another loom and emailed the buyer at midnight. I feel guilty because I had accepted her counter offer and had set the date to travel two days to pick up the loom.

3) No money had crossed the table. I had gone to the bank and gotten the cash but had not sent a down payment.

4) The loom is wonderful, seldom can one buy a used Saori loom, but I did not need another Saori loom.

5) I think what prompted me to rethink this $1800 purchase was the struggles I am currently having warping the loom I have. 

6) Before the flood my loom was newly warped. It is a miracle that the loom survived with all its parts. The warp had to be tossed - paper and thread - flood-ruined. 

7) I emailed the seller at midnight and feel guilty this morning because I changed my mind. I already have more than one loom. 

8) What encouragement above is applicable to my situation?  There isn't an icon for "changing your mind and misleading someone," is there? 

9) I'm sorry, Melissa, but warping my current loom is discouraging me at this point in time. I shall pray that a buyer emerges, feels fortunate to have your loom, and pays you full price.

10) Think your purchases through, Joan, so you don't disappoint anyone from this time forward!!
 

Unplanned Creativity

 

Photo taken in my greenhouse 01/14/2026.

Oops, I did not date the planting of the seeds! I have so much to learn as each planting is certainly a scientific experiment.

Just for fun I used my arugula for the "unplanned creativity" prompt.  Then I googled the steps for displaying museum pieces, the required notations, the proper labeling. What fun to be a curator of arugula and giving artistic credit to our Lord, in this case The Divine She-God. 

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This is my response to The Scavenger Hunt: “Evidence of unplanned creativity. Describe it as if it were a piece in a museum of everyday brilliance!” (Badonsky prompt)

 Arugula 

Object Label

Artist: The Divine She-God

Title: The Arranged Arugula

Date of completion: WIP (work in progress)

Medium: Seeds on Organic Soil

Dimensions: rectangular planter (6" x 24")

Wall Label

Artist: She-God, Current Era, Cultural Significance confirming The Gardener can grow what is planted from seed.

Technique: Organic soil placed in box, seeds sprinkled gently, water added tenderly

Interpretation: It is Divine that the smallest seeds were allowed to push through coarse organic soil, peeking into the greenhouse environment with acceptance and “everyday brilliance.”

Benefits of Arugula:

Arugula is a superfood chock-full of vitamins, minerals, fiber and cancer-fighting compounds.

Arugula has been recognized since ancient times as a natural aphrodisiac, 

potentially boosting libido and sexual health. Rich in nitrates, vitamins A and C, and trace minerals, it helps improve blood circulation, increases testosterone levels, and blocks libido-reducing contaminants. 

Praying Scripture

 I am working through the process of learning Lectio Divina with Christine Valters as my guide these next twelve weeks. It is summarized as praying Scripture. How poetic are those two words for me.

The Scripture today is from Isaiah 48: 6-7. Perhaps I can memorize these five lines. 

Which phrase "shimmers" for you?  Meditate on that phrase, these words.  God is speaking to you, to me as we listen and are attentive to what comes in our thoughts. 

What is your invite? What is my invite?

What stirs within your heart?

The practice of Lectio Divina is ancient and the interest in our current days for spiritual awakening is emerging, I believe.  

Let us practice this simple art together as we work through this class I am taking with Abbey of the Arts.

https://abbeyofthearts.com/

Now I am revealing new things to you

Things hidden and unknown to you

Created just now, this very moment. 

Of these things you have heard nothing until now. 

So that you cannot say, Oh yes, I knew this. 

(Isaiah 48:6-7 - Jerusalem Bible translation)

Peace and blessings to you this early Tuesday morning!

Arugula and a "Scavenger Hunt"

It's an assignment from Jill Badonsky's Creativity is My Oxygen class that I am working on this morning. A clever scavenger hunt that will take me to creative places in writings.

Today I am going to the greenhouse and "find something that makes you pause" (her prompt).

I almost know what I am going to find because I am experimenting with planting seeds. There are two more rectangular boxes I am planting this early morning from my cache of seeds that I ordered on Amazon. The little packets of tiny seeds are plentiful within the order and I am somewhat randomly choosing the seeds. It is definitely an experiment in what grows in the greenhouse, how much water I need to give them and then, how to harvest the results. Needless to say, the harvest will not occur if the seeds do not germinate and grow. A novice I am!!!

The arugula is peeking through the organic potting soil I used. That will certainly make me "pause" this morning.

Arugula is quite beneficial and I have unknowingly eaten arugula in restaurant salads. I will now be much more perceptive.  https://health.clevelandclinic.org/arugula-benefits

               Let's head out and watch the sun emerge this morning! !💛

Later I have a zoom connection to make with the new class I very recently signed up for - Christine Valters' Abbey of the Arts - online daily spiritual sharing and studies. More about that tomorrow!

                         Off to the "arugula patch" we go.  😋

Tanka Class - Take Two!

 I have signed up for an online tanka poetry class which is now in the beginning session. 

The facilitator/guru teacher is Alan Summers, https://www.callofthepage.org/

This is my second tanka class with him, Take Two! His structure is very appealing to me. I also recall a haiku class with Call of the Page. He is based in England.

We have a week to submit our first tanka with his invaluable prompts and explanations.

Hence, I begin developing a short commentary on "hair." My response is to be no more than 120 words.

From these thoughts I am to write a five-line tanka.

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Commentary:

This morning as I journaled I created a list of thoughts referring to my decision to not color my hair anymore. This decision was made shortly after the devastating flood July 4th here in The Hill Country of Kerrville, Texas.

• impermanence of everything (referring to losing all in the July 4th flooding of my home, contents of the home, piano and music, looms and weavings, all books, all papers, all, all, all......
• my reality is that my hair is gray
• my non reality is to color my hair
• living in my reality now
• connect my losses with the loss of image, the loss of "false image(s)"
• no longer have I heard "you don't look like 82," even when my hair was blondish or brown, covering all the gray
• accept others' perceptions that yes, my face displays 82 years of life
• when I decided to stop coloring my hair was after the flood
• perhaps I do not feel in control of my life, feel vulnerable, why bother to control my hair color
• has my self- expression changed? 
• how does this flood experience relate to never coloring my hair again?

I have written 190 words!  I shall condense and tighten up the list.

Why do I like tanka? It has an "emotional nuance," Alan says. Unlike haiku one can be emotionally transparent and feelings are not only acceptable, but encouraged.  I have learned that the middle line can be a pivot line. I also learned somewhere that the first three lines should be able to stand alone and the third, fourth and fifth lines likewise. I am not sure if that is a "must" or a mere possibility.

Here is a tanka I found in my google docs that I wrote.

egret white wings

brushing

a sacred space

above the water

yet below the sky

(joanconnor spring 2024)

Morning Musings

Here I am again! Needless to say I am looking forward to being on my blog frequently this coming year. 

Today I am contemplating how to spend my time alone these next two hours. I have many choices but am narrowing it down to unpacking my new mirrorless camera and delving into learning, exploring how I can use it today! 

My Canon DSL, purchased in 2010, was ruined in the flood. I recall tossing it into the trash can at Daughter's house shortly after we were evacuated. There was a pick-up bed full of our treasures that Daughter and Son-in-law had gathered on a trip back to the house a couple days following July 4th.  Several of the items saved were very much appreciated and cleaned up. My Saori loom was one of those items. It has all its parts and I am about ready to put a warp on the loom.

The camera, the piano (which was not in the truck bed), any electronics were definitely destroyed.

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The area of contemplative photography is my fascination at this time. The topic of mindfulness and being "aware in the present" is currently quite popular. I believe that seeking a simple photo shoot in the backyard supports mindfulness. More about that in another post. On https://beadisciple.com/ I participated in a contemplative photography class this past fall. It wasn't long enough, something like two weeks. There were 8-10 participants and the sharing was fascinating. In a previous class a year or so ago the sharing of photos was expected but in this class there were different expectations.  

Wouldn't it be fun to facilitate a contemplative photography class? With the books I have recently purchased and my new camera perhaps this is a path I could pursue. The Senior Center might be interested in offering such a class and the camera on a phone would be very acceptable too.

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My most recent offering at the senior center did not "make." Only two signed up for Memoir I which was going to be a GAB offering, Guided AutoBiography https://thebirrencenter.org/ I completed the certification process in October 2025 and not giving up. During a recent Zoom sharing it was suggested that I consider developing a class for the many groups and individuals who cared and shared their time and monies as we recovered from the devastating flood. What an original idea!

I know of two books already that have been published to honor the flood victims and those who lost their lives. I think focusing on the individual teams and churches, the folks that would come by with gift cards and money, their labor and tools, Angels in Disguise, would be an interesting concept to employ in developing my GAB classes.

And as this morning stretches into lunchtime I shall pray about these ideas, give thanks for my new camera and place before the Lord activities that are possible and intriguing. 

We'll see what comes to fruition.

Joan

01/08/2026

Yes, Yes and Yes!

This morning I am nervous, anticipatory and excited to begin a creative/mindfulness class with Jill Badonsky. I have followed her for several years, once had all her books, signed up long ago for a short class. However, today's commitment will be for twelve weeks and cost $800!!

That monetary investment is a commitment for me, a capital C Commitment.

I went to Hobby Lobby yesterday to buy the necessary art materials. Oh, I had so many beautiful brushes and watercolors in my craft closet but alas, the flood took them downstream on that fateful day, July 4th. The flood took all - house, vehicles, RV, piano, clothes, books, music, all, all, all.  

We are recuperating our losses and beginning again just as many folks do that have experienced a natural disaster or a fire. Recovery requires resilience! I hope we have exemplified that trait for the past six months.

Creativity is My Oxygen - that's the title of today's class. The above wonderful watercolor is Jill's amazing talent. We had to buy paints for this class. I am eager to begin my version of whimsical art. I bought an inexpensive set of watercolors and brushes. I do not have much faith in my painting.

And so it shall be for about two hours this afternoon. We zoom which always makes me nervous. I must learn to trust those invisible powers that envelope the air here in my Loom Room. 

I miss writing. 

I miss being part of a creative community. 

I miss weaving. 

I miss being on my Saori loom. 

I do not miss my music. I am once again playing daily. I am happy and contented to be playing piano, studying harp, and joining the Senior Center tribe with my fiddle.  

In the meantime, the greenhouse is calling for me to play a cd for those eager plants, excellent listeners, all of them!  Today I am going to plant seeds, radish seeds this morning in a couple narrow long planters sitting on top of the greenhouse worktable. Truly it is my she/shed with houseplants and poinsettias surrounding me as I sit in the one metal pink lawn chair that survived the flood.

I wish you could join me, in the class, in my she/shed with a cup of java!