1.
from start to (un)completion
the multipotentialite
undertakes
to initiate
one more project
2.
as choices loom
the years dissolve
a decade remains?
to accomplish
or not
3.
does non action
spring forward?
perhaps backwards?
a sidelong glance
at shelved projects
5.
books are stacked
paint brushes left dry
enthusiasm declines
remnants remain
of possibilities
6
alas, she springs
Into non action
the rv awaits
one more journey
she inaugurates
01/14/2023
Today I am contemplating "Springing into Action" - the topic that my Story Circle "True Words from Real Women" journal suggested for their March publication. I can submit a poem or piece of prose and if accepted, it appears in their collection of women's writings. I do not recall how many times I have been accepted or rejected. Quite frankly, the act of writing the "assignment" is my favorite part of this process.
Part 1: "Springing into Non Action."
Is it because I am adding years to my life's journey that I desire to slow down, not chase my tail, pedal slower and more methodical? Or is it because the signing up for classes, committing to lessons and then attempting to learn a new craft is just becoming too routine? I have been doing just that for years.
So to spring into non action I first must find and contemplate my goals. What could possibly be my first non action goal.
How about the non action of exercise? I have been keeping this behavior up pretty well with no bicycling, no walking, no gym attendance, no yoga. I definitely have kept this goal alive.
How about the non action of church attending? Since Covid I have not attended a church service. This non action is so unlike my previous behaviors where the church became a focal point for me in a new community.
How about the non action of dieting? I have tried periodically to be a Weight Watcher participant, to absolutely no avail. The program requires an app on the phone, consistently checking points, weighing in weekly and all this is possible without going to a meeting. I lead the pack for non acting in this reform.
How about the non action of weaving? The small looms sit on my closet shelf. I read about it and that is the extent of my learning this craft. I just recently subscribed to Little Looms magazine and drool over the beautiful possibilities if only I would commit to learning this craft.
How about the non action of roasting coffee beans, dehydrating meat for jerky and using the blender? These appliances are on the pantry shelf, items I thought I needed, items that would give me options in creating foodstuffs. I haven't used two of them ever, the roasting of coffee beans was easy, but I need to order green beans and haven't for quite some time.
And so the self-talk continues.
Next come my goals of action. There are some. I am continuing this conversation as I have "springing into action" reveals.
Here she is singing Que Sera Sera: Doris Day - Que Sera Sera - YouTube
Does it get any better than this? As Doris' gorgeous voice entertains in the background I shall tell you that I must develop this "whatever will be will be" attitude.
Yesterday Dave and I signed the papers to buy a home in Kerrville. We offered a few thousand less than the asking price so someone could easily bid over us and this is frequently common in the recent years.
Do we need this home? Yes and No!! The home we are in is on unstable soil. We are filing a lawsuit. Can it be fixed? Yes, but the past 1 1/2 years has been stressful. I would like to sell this manufactured home on its beautiful piece of property (5 acres) with a dynamic view and move into Kerrville, into a neighbood and into a solid home.
1) What if we get the house? Then we shall sell this current home and move. (The stability situation will be determined next week as a civil engineer is coming to assess our current property and home's structure.)
2) What 'if we do not get the house? We will continue to explore possibilities and stay here until further prospects emerge.
3) Will we fix this home? That all depends on the lawsuit settlement, the realtor's assessment and the possibility of selling the manufactured home to be moved and the property separately.
I am praying that we acquire this new-to-us home because I really like it. The backyard is exceptionally large and tiered and has incredible possibilities. However, I truly believe that as I place my request before the Lord, He will control the outcome. He will finalize the best option for me. My faith has never been questioned regarding His Delight is providing for me.
Sometimes I question why he would be concerned about such a trite matter in the scheme of life. This is a constant nagging in my thoughts and emotions. I am seeking The Word and reading to give myself comfort in accepting His Love and Concern. I seek to be "the sparrow" in "His Eye Is On the Sparrow."
His Eye Is on the Sparrow [Live] - YouTube
The home for sale is currently in probate. Our realtor says he has seen homes in probate sold within twenty days to one hundred days. This is a plus for us! We are not in a rush and can wait it out. It is also a negative as other offers have time to evolve.
And so we wait and sing with Doris, "que sera sera." and give thanksgiving for the good fortunes He has given us.
I have not read much of her poetry. My prompt today centers about her poem, "Before."It's lovely!
And so I write without stopping, fifteen minutes and share with you my "wild writing."
Here I go..................
1.
Before I married Dave I was lonely and hanging with men who did not respect me.
Thank goodness I only hung with them, uncommitted.
Before I connected with this wonderful and gentle man I was seeking friends in low places.
My self esteem was not what it should have been.
2.
Before I moved to this home in Texas we lived in N. Mexico and Idaho.
Those homes no longer belong to me, to us.
I wish this home did not belong to us. We are worried.
The evidence is that the foundation is not on compacted soil.
Dave has been saying this repeatedly for the past 1 1/2 years.
I didn't want to believe him.
3.
Before I purchased this home we were living in a townhome.
That home no longer belongs to us.
I have made excellent decisions in real estate and then several mistakes. This was a mistake.
I have made money in real estate and lost money.
4.
Before we go to court regarding the condition of this home we are hoping the person who installed it incorrectly will buy it back.
Before the lawyers handle the case we are hoping one or two letters will cause the installer to rethink his decision and buy the home from us.
Before this task develops further we are quite certain that we will be moving.
Before I take the installer of this manufactured home to court I am now praying for a miracle.
5.
Before I reread this rant I must tell you that this is not a poem. This is a collage of feelings and frustrations, simple words, and an image.
Before I post this I must tell you that I believe writing heals and writing helps to see clearer and writing is freeing and all can write. I am rattling, writing wild. It helps me express what is going on inside caused by what is happening on the outside.
Before my fifteen minutes concludes I wish I could write one small tanka. I shall quickly type the five lines with the middle line being a pivot.
as cracks appear and
the skirting separates
a home on sinking sand
worries become magnified
evidence is building
Thanks for listening!
Now I need a bit of guidance, dear Lord and Angel-Muse:
I love this type of artwork. I love the whimsicalness, the brightness, the story being told, the lines taking me off the page. I am art illiterate, but I do know that this appeals to me.
What shall I do with all my shouldas? Should I write? Should I paint? Should I begin my weaving with a loom that has been shelved for years?
I will complete the bookmobile and I will successfully give away books to children. Will that take all my days, my energy?
I will play the fiddle and progress slowly with my continued lessons.
I will always play the piano, for my own enjoyment and therapy.
I will study my Bible, acquaint myself with my angels that somedays are quite whimsical and humorous, challenging me to sort it out, Joan and be thankful, very thankful for increasingly good health and the possibilities of many joyous moments.
Thank-you, Jesus!
Amen!
Laurie Wagner's class is one example of utilizing poetry. We are to write without any critical judgment, just “keep the pen on the paper,” Laurie says. I have mentioned this in an earlier blog.
Today's prompt was from Ellen Bass’ “Cold,” short prose poem, very understandable.
Specifically, Laurie pulled out “every frailty, every pain could be an opening….”
but I really liked Bass’ final line, “How can I remember this when I’m old and need so much?”
https://www.ellenbass.com/
And now to ramble:
Wow! That line spoke to me with quite a jolt. Just yesterday I was commiserating how much I don’t
recall from my previous lives. You know, like my life married to Previous Spouse. I actually
verbalized to my current husband that I can’t recall Previous Spouse ever saying, “I love you.”
Of course he did??? I wondered what it sounded like. I can’t even remember his voice,
let alone those specific words.
We forget. And do I “need so much?”
I am quite sure I need to be nudged when saying inconsiderate thoughts.
I am quite sure I should be nudged when thoughts emerge through my verbalizations that should be
kept to myself.
But as the “getting older” becomes the reality I really try to not need so much.
I just need affirmation that I am not alone in feeling useless.
I just need affirmation that I will not allow myself to indulge in loneliness.
I just need to know that I can be forgiven for my frailties.
And so I muddle through another day, another month, another few months with ideas exploding in my head to do this, jump into this, spread your wings here…..and there…..and take off on a new adventure.
I put on the brakes and just write about it. Writing helps me sort out the inconsistencies in my life and in my actions and definitely in my accomplishments.
Stick with
what makes you love to get up in the mornings,
what makes you passionate,
what creates exhilaration in your days, your months and your years.
* * * * *
Pursue your goals gently, Joan. They may not be as unreachable as you think.
You know that old saying, “If you can dream it, you can do it!”
A decision was made for me with my approval! My memoir writing class at Dietert Senior Center has moved to Tuesdays in March instead of Thursdays. That allows me to join the Bible Study Fellowship group that meets locally here in Kerrville, TX. on Thursday mornings.I have applied to the local group and sent my resignation letter to the online zoom leader with whom I have been studying.
The online BSF ladies group of 70+ in age has not been my comfort zone. I seldom, if ever, joined in the discussion, but perched in front of the computer and allowed my face to be in a square on zoomland. Sometimes, not always, I had my lessons completed.
My relationship with BSF goes back to the 1960's when my little children attended with me. Yes, that is a long time ago. Then we moved, and moved again and I dropped out and returned in 2015. Again I dropped out because I kept falling asleep during the evening lecture as I was teaching full time in Idaho.
I am looking forward to being a part of BSF here in Kerrville where I will meet Christian women and enjoy the togetherness meeting in person allows. It just wasn't cozy in those zoom squares and non participation is not my norm. I know the motivation to complete the weekly lessons will be greater when I am meeting in real time.
Moving to reflection #2. My hubby and I are tired of driving for holiday dinners to my daughter's home in Austin. We enjoy immensely being there, eating their delicious foods, sharing dog language with each animal present and just relaxing. However, I think it is my turn to host. This Christmas our home is open for all who would like to share the holiday meal and time together. And so the invites are going out to children in Texas and maybe a few others in the area. Put a spiral cut ham in the oven and concoct a few side dishes.....what's so hard about that?
Come over and have some Christmas wassail with us.
"Bear with me, I want to tell you something about" why I consistently sign up for writing classes online. It's for exactly what I am experiencing now. I am typing, letting my fingers dance emotionally across the keyboard. There should be music in the background, but my cd just ended. Set the timer for 15 minutes and take off ......
This is a new class for me - 27 Wilder Days and Wild Writing. I have been observing Laurie Wagner operate her writing classes online now for several years. She believes in just letting the pen flow, never allowing it to leave the paper. Writing Courses Online, Online Writing Course, Laurie Wagner (27powers.org) This is my first class with her, watching a video daily, $27 for 27 days.
She reads a poem and then uses “jump off lines” to prompt the writer. I like to do exactly that process. Read a poem once, twice and then pick a line or two and begin writing. I used this process for warm-ups in the memoir class I taught at the senior center.
Today Laurie read a poem by Paul Hostovsky, Coconut, and the first line above is a quote from that poem. Here is a link to the poem: Coconut by Paul Hostovsky - Your Daily Poem
As I wrote, I rattled on about my day and specifically about the vintage bookmobile that is in the finishing stages. It is Charter #155351 with Little Free Library. I will keep you informed as to how to follow me on their app and also where I will be parked and giving away children’s books.
However, between now and Christmas I hope to sell at the Heart of the Hills Farmers Market my wooden crafts and lighted wine bottles to support the purchasing of books and trailer travels. My top priority is book gathering and giving, so the craft making will be limited. I am enjoying the wooden trees and angels. Perhaps that process can be transposed to creating other products after Christmas.
Blessings to you this Thanksgiving weekend,
joan
Is it possible to start something new and not finishing (or even starting) the previous impulse.
So what would a life coach say?
Convinced that I am a scanner, a multi potentiate, a seeker of all things and master of none, I need a life coach.
noun
Personal challenges - aaaahhhhh yes, that is what I have given myself as I start something new, caress the possibility of being a reknown ______________. It's not going to happen. I flitter and flub, set aside and move on to the next "challenge" or is it the next "gotta try this before I die" project.
And so I begin listing the interests around my house that would take time, months, years of instruction to learn. I can go room by room and tell you what is sitting, waiting for me to dive in.....here we go.....
......no special order as I shuffle through the house......
1. weaving looms and bag of threads
2. wine bottles galore to be painted and lights for the insides
3. craft paints in a myriad of colors for my online video library from Painting of the Month
4. more painting to-dos with numerous paint-by-number kits
5. Peace Corps book to finish
6. Native American flute collection to play
7. embroidery of vintage trailers for pillow casings
8. dulcimers to sell
9. dehydrator to use for ??? (never used)
10. Ninja blender for smoothies (never used)
11. jazz books beside the piano to begin studying that genre
12. fiddle to practice for weekly lesson
That's enuf! I am exhausted just listing my interests. I am setting it all aside except for the fiddle and the piano and perhaps, the book which needs hatching! It's percolating as I type with chapters written.
I am pumped up and ready to literally "roll out the driveway."
I believe that a separate blog will be opened for this new venture.
Stay tuned!
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